Luvsociety - сообщество

When everything else fails, pain remains.The sole reason I'm writing this today is that through everything that has happened till now, pain has been a permanent companion. Love disappeared, comfort disappeared, hate disappeared, smiles disappeared. But the pain of the memories of all of these emotions that had forsaken me gave me the worst days of my life till today.Imagine yourself to be an outcast for the remaining length of this piece of writing. Take a deep breath, forget who you are, and imagine being that person who isn't good at anything other than feeling emotions. Now you count on others because you can't count on yourself. You don't know why, you don't know how, you end up with a glass arm extending from the bottom of your heart to the shoulder of the other person. You wish you could get their hearts too. You wish you could feel what they really feel about you. But you content yourself with your crystalline arm resting on their shoulder. And you believe that you're going to be okay. And you forget who you really are. And that's when the other person stops caring. Because you're not interesting anymore. And then you feel the glass arm shattering, slowly and painfully. Every crack sends ripples through your spine. Every ripple is followed by a storm inside your stomach, mortal and insolent, making you forget, in that moment, how it feels to feel. The paradox of this situation is greater than the significance of the pieces of glass lying all around you, crunching under the footsteps of people who you wished could see you because you're very much real and your pain is very much real. But nobody ever sees you.A sense of attachment that you feel for someone you can place your metaphorical arm on is greater than that which you have for your real, physical arms. You won't mind cutting yourself if you can have that one person back. The only thing which keeps you going is the pain you hold inside yourself. This pain makes you feel human because you have forgotten how anything else feels. This pain, single-handedly, reminds you of everything you have forgotten and everything you wish for once again. And the memory of a time when you could feel the warm kiss of love upon your wet cheeks can never be replaced by the fabric of your pillow cover sticking to your tear-ridden face.But this is not the end. It's only just the beginning. You're broken, with pieces of yourself missing, dreams and hopes lying on the floor scattered and turned to dust. You have empty spaces. You have a heart. It will seek healing. But you must silence the mind. For the mind is what stirs trouble in times of peace. It doesn't know what is to come. It only knows what has been.There are episodes of this life I have inked down today which I cannot tell you about with full disclosure. But I can tell you this - I saw it through a windscreen and I saw it through the clouds. I felt like I'm touching everything but feeling nothing. I felt like I was blind. I felt all of my love in my torturously pulsating heart. And I'm still here, writing about this in better health.I guess what I want to say is that you can escape love, even if for the blink of a heavy eye, but you cannot escape pain.🖤