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It's okay to still cry about the past, especially those opportunities you've missed those what ifs you still have in your heart, as well as the what could have beens, it's alright to grieve for it. Do not dismiss the emotion, do not invalidate what you feel process it.
Because you think to yourself, maybe, things could have been better, if you were just able to take that chance. Perhaps, you could have had a life to live, far from feeling the emptiness from what you've been doing now that this wasn't the life you planned and wanted, you were just force to live through it. Maybe, you would feel more alive, because these days, you've been showing up to people, but you feel dead deep inside you died the moment you weren't able to pursue that certain dream, to push yourself to the best you could, because you were at your worst state. Maybe, you won't be feeling lost, if you were just able to do the things you wanted for yourself for you were so sure and certain of it. You blamed yourself and up until now you do because for you, it was such a failure not to be able to choose it, to focus on your own goals, because you need to focus more on yourself.
It's the ghost of the past that haunts you now. You are crying for it, because it's buried in you, even if you didn't want it to be dead. It never really faded, it's just that there's nothing you could do life just happened to you.
And it's okay not to be okay, because of it. It's alright to grieve for it🌟